Love, Hate

I love my daughter but I hate her special needs.
Yep, sounds pretty intense but it's how I'm feelin this mornin.
It's how I feel alot of days.
It's a conversation I had with her 7 year old brother this morning.
It's a conversation that I think helped bring some clarity when he asked, "Mom, do you wish Grace didn't exist?"
Yes, those exact words came out of his mouth in the middle of the hustle for the bus morning. Oh boy.
To which I replied, "No, Corb, I love that Grace exists, but sometimes I really wish her special needs didn't exist."

Why do I wish her special needs didn't exist?
Oh, because...
I would not have to dodge her attempt to bite me or chase my earring that she just ripped off.
I wouldn't have to try to interpret what she is saying.
I wouldn't have to talk about the same thing 48 times in 10 minutes.
I would not have to think twice about going out to dinner as a family.
I would not feel the need to plan out an empty day.


Why do I not feel this way every day?
Because...
I know she is a Child of Promise.
I get to see God in big ways.
We get to really celebrate little things which are giant victories in our world.
I get to relate to many because of our broken state.
I get to understand more what hope is.
I'm always learning and growing in Him.

As a wise friend of mine just shared with me, "We have pity parties like birthday parties...We vent it all out and then it's over."
So yall just got to have this with me.
And hopefully share in the joy of what happens when His light on our situations break forth.